25 Mart 2018 Pazar

We should know that  
nothing's gonna come from this.  

When we spoke earlier,  

she was looking at me like we'd never met.  
It's nice to finally meet her.  

I don't know too 

that why we postpone so much. 
I am just a man  
fighting other men for us.  

But, make sure this doesn't happen again.

Do you remember,
my silent observer, 
when you said
  one day I follow in the footsteps of my father? 

I think I have already started
 running behind my father.
It's impossible to catch up him 
but surpassing close at hand.

Everything is insufficient for me.

Everything is much for me.

We're gonna hire them.
Set the deal in motion immediately.

You don't understand, right?

As if is there something bigger behind the scenes here 
we should know about,
 or you want the contract executed as soon as possible.



I am here mainly as a formality, my silent observer, 
to fake a smile and pretend to welcome you back.
You have been appointed an observer for me.

You don't know what to say, do you?
Thank you.
I came here personally.

Yes, yes.
Right, right.

But the direct purpose of my visit 

I felt it was important to share with you formally 
that the observing title is nothing more than that.

You are a mere figurehead 

I inherited from a deal gone wrong.

It happens from time to time.

But I wanted you to understand 
the nature of your position 
in case you should have loftier designs.

There'll be none of that.
Obedience will be your only task for me.
I worry that could potentially get awkward 
if you thought differently, so I came here out of respect.

By your silence, I assume you accept this position? 

You know what this is.
I embarrass that I fired you.
There's no shame in admitting the truth.

I am out of moves and I need you,
 need my image, the face of a hero.
That's why I'am here.
Right?

Oh, my silent observer.
It's not that I'm out of moves.
It's that you're not worth one.




16 Mart 2018 Cuma

She's not responding 
to any of my texts.

If they're targeting me, 
then they're gonna target her next.

I’ve never found it hard to manipulate most people. 
If you listen to them, watch them, 
their vulnerabilities are like a neon sign screwed into their heads.

I’m just playing my best move.
Trust myself. I’ll do what’s right
Unfortunately, we’re all human. Except others, of course.

Hopefully, I made it to our rendezvous.

Everywhere you look, I am there.
That is why you wanted to meet.

 I am a man of time. 
And I don't believe in accidents. 
You, like an annoying penny, keep turning up. 

But,
everywhere I look, you're there. 
That is why I wanted to meet. 
So I could find out why you are so special to me.

That is why I wanted to meet.

You are a terrible person.
Don't ever convince yourself of anything else.
All you deserve for the rest of your life is pure and utter agony.
That'll begin to scratch the surface of how I feel about you.
You've taken everything from me.
 My whole life is ruined because of you.
Live with that.
Die with that.

Find a way to live with what you did.

So, Ferris wheel.
Cute touch.

I need information from you, 
my silent observer.
Actually, I do not get to summon you like I am Ali Baba, 
squeeze you for information then shove you back in some lamp.

She's in trouble! She might already be dead.

The whole reason 
we're in this goddamn mess is 
because we're not working together, 
because she refuse to talk to me.

I wish that were true.
The sick part is I actually missed you 
so much, my silent observer.
The only reason 
we haven't been talking is because 
I haven't let myself.
'Cause I've been scared of you.
The part of me that is you.

You didn't know about that, did you?

If you did, would you have done it? Would you have done it? 

I would have, I would have found another way.

Because as much as there is a part of you in me there is a part of me in you.

Your note on the mind, what did you mean by it? 
What do you know? I need to find my mind.
Tell me what you know.

My mind has a mole.


13 Mart 2018 Salı

This is on me

I can't go through every one.
I don't even know what I'm searching for.

I need something to go on.
A name, place, something, anything.
Think, think, think.
What do I know? 
Anything you can remember? 
Any detail? Anything.

Tell me something, my silent observer.
Don't you get it? 

She's passed the sponge over.
I won't be able to remember
She's gonna be forgotten like everyone else.

I should have never done this.
I should have left this alone.

I'll never learn.
I brought this on myself.
I'll never learn.
This is on me.

This is on me.


5 Mart 2018 Pazartesi

I’m just playing my best move,
because power belongs to those who take it.

My exploit 
will give me full access to their management interface.

But,
we're all living in each other's paranoia and
we live in a kingdom of bullshit.

Now I own you, my silent observer.

You hack people, 
I hack time.

The concept of waiting bewilders me. 
There are always deadlines. 
There are always ticking clocks.

If you want to change things, 
perhaps you should try from within, 
because this is what happens from the outside.

An error of thinking 
that makes you who you are.

I should just tell you what you want to hear.

I know what I’m supposed to do.

I’m only supposed to be your prophet. 
You’re supposed to be my God.

Who do you think I am?



2 Mart 2018 Cuma

You know I can hear you, right
my silent observer? 

Even from way back here. 
Every word. 

If I am deaf with my eyes...
If I am blind with my ears...




It's weird, 
being here again.

Like we've come to 
that slow glide at the end of a roller coaster.
We're coming full circle.

 You and she have started this whole thing, 
my silent observer
and now she and I are gonna end it.


I hate 
when I can't hold in my myself. 
This emotion has been happening too often, 
every other week now. 

What do normal people do when they get this sad? 
They reach out to friends or family, I think.

I'll be back later.
What do normal people do when they get this sad?
 I do writing.