Kernel Panic

Can I tell you a secret, my silent observer?

It's been three days since I slept.

I'm up to about 15 hours of studying now.

But that's not the secret.

Because I suffered;

now, I'm learning;

 then, I'll change..

I'll change.

You heard me, my silent observer.

I'll change.

----

It was so simple.

I'm way more aware now.

I'm way more focused.

And I'm feeling 100%.

My busyness is working, 

and even if this like a drug doesn't feel good.

I can even handle over talking with people.

Even our lecture’s stupid 

"supreme court decisions & doctrine" philosophy 

is starting to sound fascinating.

I wouldn't like this.

Why haven't I done this before? 

Damn, these my lecture notes look immaculate.

I'm pretty sure that
I will graduate.

Even the reading dumb footnote is enthralling.

The article goes into my mind.

Of course.

Slam dunk! 

I can finally back to being normal I need.

Maybe I would. 

It'll just be me and her..

We'll dine together.

Maybe we'll read to each other.

Or we'll just talk.

But, I am thinking the days passing together,

then I just say now 'we would' ..

But the point is, I'm changing, and now it's just us.

It was feeling good for a few days.

It really was, wasn't it? 

But this is the fifth day of not sleeping, I think.

Fifth isn't that a funny word?

There it is again.

The overwhelming fear building, 

the burrowing,
the nesting,
the scream..

''revresbo tnelis ym
,uoy ot klat ylbaborp I yhw si hcihw 
,ecaf-ot-ecaf pu gninepO''

I know, I know, 

I am talking myself backwards.

This isn't good.
I know.

That's very weird too.

My internal fatal error

from which my system cannot safely recover.

Kernel panic.

Day number six without sleep.
After ending my busyness,
when I stay with myself,
on thinking passing day,
I'm slowly regaining consciousness.

I'm crashing.

Next, my consciousness will go.

The panic isn't settling in anymore.

It's just there.

The scream in my mind is coming back.

She’s gone. 

She’s gone. 

She’s gone.



Actually, where is my mind?